Doctor Who: Twice Upon a Time

Doctor: 'You're right, you know. The universe generally fails to be a fairy-tale. But that's where we come in.'

I'm in two minds about this year's Christmas episode. On the one hand, it tugged at my heartstrings, making me laugh, cheer, and cry. On the other, it made me wince, frown, and basically wonder who'd nicked the plot. It was a bit sparse, wasn't it? I'm not against villain-less episodes, but there really didn't feel like much of a story, and although the emotional stuff got me in the feels, even that felt somewhat unsatisfying.

The premise was perfect. Setting the episode in the gap between the Doctor leaving Polly and Ben at the end of 'The Tenth Planet', and them finding him again before his regeneration, was nothing short of genius. I know a lot of people don't like it when Moffat reinvents Classic Who stories, but I've always had a soft spot for it. It deepens the mythology, gives us a peek at events unseen, and demonstrates just how deep Moffat's love for the show is. And the switch from monochrome to colour, as William Hartnell morphed into David Bradley, was the icing on the 4:3 aspect ratio cake. It gave me the same chill down my spine as when I saw the First Doctor and Clara interact back in 'The Name of the Doctor'.

It should go without saying that, despite this being an entirely different gig to 'An Adventure in Space and Time', Bradley turned in another top notch performance as the First Doctor. From his mannerisms, to his vocal delivery, Bradley's the next best thing to having Hartnell on screen. Running the first Doctor's regeneration crisis alongside that of the current Doctor's, felt like the perfect opportunity to view the same event from two entirely different perspectives: that of the novice and the pro. Having both Doctors eventually abandon fear in favour of hope, as well as being a rare moment of unity between the conflicting personalities, really felt like a satisfying conclusion to the Doctor's personal drama.

And although it galls me to say it, I was even impressed by Mark Gatiss. Although a huge fan of his  work elsewhere, I've been less than complimentary of his scripts and acting on Who, but tonight I thought he was superb. He played the Captain with just the right amount of gravitas, was heroic to a fault, and played the perfect straight man to Bradley and Capaldi's comedy double act. Which I also loved, by the way. The main draw of multi-Doctor episodes is the banter, and Moffat didn't let us down. The dialogue was sharp, generally witty, and you could tell that both actors were having a ball delivering their lines.

So why did some of tonight's episode make me wince?

Well, although the bulk of the dialogue landed, some of it fell horribly flat. Continuously poking fun at the first Doctor's outdated attitude towards women felt unfair to a show over fifty years old. I wouldn't have minded Moffat taking a single swipe at it, but he went full-on beast mode. There's a fine line between commenting wryly on the social sensibilities of Doctors past, and making the first Doctor look like a sexist arse, and he not only crossed that line, he obliterated it completely. There was no need for Twelve to continuously correct his former self, his later incarnations adapted to the changing zeitgeist just fine. Besides, there was nobody around to care—especially not the Captain, a product of the early 1900s himself—so it all felt like Moffat talking to his audience, rather than the characters talking to each other.

Similarly, will they ever stop making a humorous plot point out of Bill being gay? (She's gay, by the way.) I complained throughout season ten that virtually the only defining characteristic Bill had—other than the odd thing they chucked in for plot purposes—was her being gay, and sadly Pearl Mackie returned to more of the same. Bill may as well have worn a t-shirt saying: Look at me, I fuck women. I'm not saying Moffat did anything terribly offensive, it just felt like spectacularly low hanging fruit. It's tier one comedy: continuously trying to draw humour from a person's most basic facets. It's also symptomatic of a showrunner running on fumes. Which isn't something I ever thought I'd say about Moffat—he's usually so creative—but Bill really did deserve better. She was a great character that never really got a chance to shine.

Capaldi was mostly solid throughout. He's the kind of actor that, when the script's bad, makes it bearable, and when the script's good, he elevates the episode to stratospheric levels. Capaldi brings a complexity and depth to the Doctor which few actors have bettered. His final words to Bill and Nardole, as he reflected on whether to keep on living, analogising his life as an empty battlefield on which everyone bar him had fallen, were beautifully poignant, and the Ypres Winter Armistice scenes a real highlight. They were respectfully written, well executed, and apart from wondering what they were even doing in the episode—they were probably there to make it feel Christmassy, right?—I found them rather moving.

The Doctor's final minutes with Bill, Nardole and Clara was also a lovely moment. The problem is, it wasn't Bill, Clara or Nardole at all, it was their memories encased in pseudo-human form. Which although indistinguishable from the real thing, completely changed the focus of the scene. What should have been a final touching moment for the Doctor, instead turned into the tragic realisation that both Clara and Nardole were actually dead. Honestly, I think I'd have preferred to remember Clara as off gallivanting with Me, and Nardole fighting Cybermen aboard the colony ship. I had a similar reaction to Clara saying goodbye to Danny Pink back in 'Last Christmas'. It was a touching moment, until you realised Clara wasn't talking to Danny at all, but at least that scene served Clara's character. Sure, the Doctor reconnecting with Clara, Nardole and Bill gave the illusion of some last minute comfort, but it didn't serve any function other than to bring back some old companions... without bringing anyone back at all.

The Doctor's extended soliloquy to his future self also came across as a tad self indulgent, and felt like an attempt to set up some contrived drama, before sending Capaldi out with a bang. But he never really said anything interesting. In fact, some of it was utter horseshit. The part about not telling people his name. Firstly, he's already told someone his name: River. Secondly, how dare he tell his future incarnation what to do? Here's hoping Thirteen does exactly as she pleases. Thirdly, there was no one there to hear him. His next incarnation had yet to come into being—and would've had access to his memories anyway, making the whole speech redundant—so the whole thing, again, felt there purely for the benefit of the viewer.

And the Doctor's final insistence that sometimes children can hear his name, but only if their hearts are in the right place and the stars aligned (or some such bollocks), was the worst sort of stale fairy tale claptrap imaginable. I hate it when the show does this, but according to Steven Moffat's after-show interview, the idea for the monologue came from Capaldi himself: proof, if it were ever needed, that not all actors should become writers. So I can't really blame Moffat for conceiving it, although I can certainly hold him accountable for rolling with it. Personally, I'd have preferred it had Capaldi regenerated after his 'Well I suppose one more lifetime won't kill anyone... well, except me' line. At least he'd have retained some dignity.

According to the press, Moffat stayed on as showrunner a season longer than intended, and had a difficult year personally, which probably explains why the Christmas special and the season which preceded it felt so lacklustre. Compare tonight's episode, or even the best from season ten, with a classic episode from season five, six or nine, and the drop in quality is clear. It saddens me to say it, but now is the right time for Moffat to go—even if I do fear for what's to come. When Moffat was on form, there really was no one better. Even if his latter work does lack the invention of him in his prime, I still think history will look back upon his tenure as producing some of the best stories the show's ever seen.

Chibnall's track record is more problematic. He relies on the same old tired tropes, values mindless action over thoughtful character development, and has a horrible habit of resolving plot problems via trivial means. In short, he wouldn't be my first choice as replacement showrunner: although I think he got Jodie Whittaker's casting spot on, even if her introductory scenes were generic, unremarkable, and essentially the same scene we get every time a Doctor regenerates. Which is worrying, whilst not without precedent. There's only so much you can do with a line of dialogue and a few minutes of action, and in truth I don't think Moffat did much better. Here's hoping Chibnall makes more of an impression when the series proper starts in the autumn.

Other Thoughts:

—Toby Whithouse played the German soldier. There was something hilarious about watching two of the show's most inconsistent writers trying to shoot each other dead in a bunker.

—The Captain could have removed the gun from the German's frozen hand twice. A much simpler solution to waiting for the Christmas Armistice to turn up.

—Another regeneration with the TARDIS crashing for no reason whatsoever? This really is a tradition that needs to end.

—The Doctor being given back his memory of Clara was a great idea, despite being followed by a rather limp cameo from Clara. The footage looked awful, and the dialogue was bland. I cried, but it was nostalgia fuelling my emotions, rather than good storytelling.

—Gatiss' character being an ancestor of the Brigadier, was nice if a little predictable.

—Loved the return of Dalek Rusty... said no one ever.

—Was there any significance to the video tape The Captain held up? Was it 'The Tenth Planet', episode 4, perhaps?

Quotes:

Doctor: 'Huh... it's not an evil plan. I don't really know what to do when it isn't an evil plan.'

Captain: 'I don't suppose either of you is a doctor?'
Doctor: 'Are you trying to be funny?'

Doctor: 'Always remember where you parked. It's going to come up a lot.'

Captain: 'What do you mean, World War One?'
Doctor: 'Oh sorry. Spoilers.'

First Doctor: 'Why are you advertising your intentions. Can't you stop boasting for a moment?'

First Doctor: 'What was that?'
Twelfth Doctor: 'To be fair, they cut out all the jokes.'

Doctor: 'Over to you, Mary Berry.'

Doctor: 'Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest?'

Clara: 'Hello, you stupid old man.'

Doctor: 'Doctor. I let you go.'