Doctor Who: The End of Time (2)

Doctor: “I don't want to go.”

I'm not sure what I was expecting from this episode. A humongous battle between the Doctor and the Time Lords, perhaps? An alliance between the Doctor and The Master, eventually culminating in the defeat of Rassilon? What I wasn't expecting was the Doctor dying such an intimate, low-key death. In the end it wasn't the Master or Rassilon who destroyed the Doctor, it was Wilf. And of course, despite the absolute certainty of irreparable radiation damage, the Doctor went to his aid.

Doctor Who: The End of Time (1)

The Narrator: 'This was the day the Time Lords returned. For Gallifrey! For victory! For the end of time itself!'

With the exception of 2005's 'The Christmas Invasion', Yuletide episodes have never been the show's strong suit. After season three's 'The Last of the Time Lords', I had visions of this year's offering being another gag-laden, testosterone-fueled, face-off between the Doctor and the Master—high on festive cheer, but distinctly lacking in satisfying storytelling. How wrong I was. I was pleasantly surprised by this episode. It wasn't perfect, but the flaws were minor and the storytelling epic. I even enjoyed the Master's return! How's that for a Christmas miracle?

Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead

Carmen: "No, but you be careful, because your song is ending, Sir. It's returning. It's returning through the dark and then Doctor, oh, but then. He will knock four times."

According to Russell T. Davies, 'Planet of the Dead' was the Doctor's last chance to have some fun. It's common knowledge now that the Doctor's just four episodes away from his end, so this was Ten's last chance to embark on one last old-fashioned romp, before the serious business of his dying begins in earnest. Something is returning. Carmen doesn't specify what, but we can be almost certain that whatever it is, it'll mean the end of the road for David Tennant.

Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars

Doctor: 'Is this it? My death? Is it time?'

This was a real landmark episode. In terms of quality, it was head and shoulders above 'Planet of the Dead,' it was beautifully plotted, featured terrifying monsters, and was thick with complex adult themes. Tonight, the Doctor attempted to change the rules of the game. Instead of being hampered by the restrictions of being a Time Lord, he tried to change an event fixed in time, and it all went Pete Tong. People died, and despite his best intentions, the tenth Doctor moved one step closer to his own destruction.

Eoin Colfer - "And Another Thing..."

It was with some trepidation that I started this book. I bought it on release, yet couldn't quite bring myself to read it. Fear of disappointment was my main worry. I'm a massive fan of Douglas Adams' work and of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy franchise in particular. I heard the original radio series when I was in my teens and instantly fell in love with the hapless Arthur Dent. Since then, I've devoured everything to do with the series -- books, radio adaptations, the television series, audio books -- I even managed to derive some pleasure from the movie (though not as much as I'd hoped... it was zarking awful).

Was a sixth book really necessary? Mostly Harmless, the fifth book in the series, brought the increasingly inaccurately named Hitchhiker's "trilogy" to a definite, albeit bleak conclusion. Yet, despite its gloominess, for me at least, it was a worthy ending. Everybody died. The earth blew up. There was closure -- not to mention the comforting reminder that everything that's supposed to happen in life invariably does -- and there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

Except the ending was too depressing even for Adams -- so he always intended to write a sixth instalment, presumably with the aim of giving his now dead characters a more upbeat send off. Plus, as Adams shrewdly noted, five was the wrong kind of number. Six was better. Unfortunately, and to the horror of fans everywhere, Adams died on 11th May, 2001, as did, seemingly, all hope of seeing his beloved characters again.

Then miraculously, on 16th September, 2008, an announcement was made that a sixth volume of the “trilogy” would be published in late 2009, penned by Irish author, Eoin Colfer (writer of the Artemis Fowl series). Initially, Colfer seemed like an odd choice. Most of his back catalogue catered to the young-adult demographic. On the plus side, Colfer was a proven comedy writer -- but the big question remained: could Colfer pull it off?

The answer, in my opinion, is both yes and no. The first hundred pages or so I found an odd reading experience. All the old characters were there -- Arthur, Ford, Zaphod, Trillian, Random, even Fenchurch -- but something about them felt different. Adams' humour was offbeat, unique and often cerebral; Colfer's witticisms, despite being astute and undeniably well tailored, just don't reach that same level of brilliance, and as a result, the book's characters sometimes speak with blander voices. Their comebacks lack sharpness. In fact, for the first third of the book, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was reading fan-fiction. Well written fan-fiction, admittedly -- but something about it just didn't feel right.

By the time I reached page 100, however, something clicked into place. Perhaps it was just a case of acclimatising myself to Colfer's writing style -- or maybe I'd just stopped endlessly comparing Colfer's style of narrative to Adams' -- but once the transition had been made, the story suddenly came to life.

The main difference between this book and other books in the series is that it focuses less on Arthur Dent (who's relegated to a supporting character) and more on anarchic, ex-President of the galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox. At first, this was something of a disappointment to me. For five books now, Arthur's been the eyes and ears through which we've experienced the whole adventure. His stuffiness, his Englishness, are all part of the series' appeal. It's proper English sci-fi -- with proper English accents, lovely cups of tea, quaint humour, and familiar locations. But of all the characters in Colfer's book it's Arthur who feels the most alien (as in strange, not other-worldly). Maybe Colfer is just too Irish to pull off a convincing English gent, I'm not altogether sure, but basing the novel on Arthur would have been a huge mistake.

So the decision to make it Zaphod-centric, despite initially seeming like the biggest mistake known to man, actually turned out to be the right move. Adams' Zaphod and Colfer's Zaphod feel the same. Zaphod's cool, he's funny and more importantly he's neither English nor Irish, so his whacky personality isn't so much tied to geography as it is his massive ego. And Colfer writes great dialogue. Zaphod sparkles throughout this book. He's full of his own self importance, stupid beyond belief, and delivers some hellishly funny one liners.

And there also are enough returning characters to make this book feel like a genuine entry in the Hitchhiker's canon. Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz makes a welcome return (awful poetry and all), as does the immortal Wowbagger (still hell-bent on insulting everyone in the entire universe). Trillian Astra is also back, as are the cows that love to be eaten, so there are plenty of familiar faces to keep the aficionados happy.

There are some fascinating new innovations too. The Tyromancers are worthy of singling out, religious folk from the planet Nano, with their mantra of “appease the cheese”, and their perpetual fear of Edamnation. And Irish property developer, Hillman Hunter (who's seemingly been cursed with the same naming illness as Ford Prefect), provides a nice bridge between Adams' older characters and Colfer's newer creations.

The question remains: was the ending of book six an improvement on book five? Well, undeniably, less people died. That's always a bonus. And, true, most of the characters did finish this story happier than at the end of book five (i.e. they were less dead). But Colfer did seem to dangle a far happier ending in prospect for poor old Arthur -- only to yank it away again at the last minute. What a zarker! So happier - yes! But more satisfying? I suspect that's for the individual to decide.

If you're a fan of the series this book's well worth a look -- even if it's just to scream "sacrilege!" at the end and wish Edamnation on Eoin Colfer.

Doctor Who: Journey's End (2)

Doctor: 'Now then, where were we?'

The faces on Donna, Jack and Rose following the Doctor's aborted regeneration were hilarious. All that tension and upset, dissipated by the Doctor directing the excess regeneration energy into his severed hand, and reverting back to his usual, chirpy self. Not the best way of resolving the cliffhanger, but to be fair, barring an actual regeneration, there was no credible way out. They did their best, bless 'em—but there was a slight whiff of cop-out in the air.

Doctor Who: The Stolen Earth (1)

Doctor: 'I'm sorry. It's too late. I'm regenerating.'

When I first saw the end of this episode, I was totally blown away. I remember looking at my friend in bewilderment, and wondering what the fuck had just happened. Was the news that Tennant had signed on for five more episodes mere propaganda designed to disguise Russell T. Davies dastardly master plan? Was the Doctor really going to regenerate? And, more importantly: who was he going to regenerate into?

Doctor Who: Turn Left

Fortune Teller: 'Turn right and never meet that man. Turn right and change the world.'

Choices change lives. Even seemingly insignificant decisions can alter our lives irrevocably, and tonight Donna was faced with a relatively small dilemma. Should she turn left, or should she turn right? 'Turn Left' explores the would-be consequences of her turning right.

Doctor Who: Midnight

Doctor: 'Ah, I'll be fine. Taking a big space truck with a bunch of strangers across a diamond planet called Midnight—what could possibly go wrong?'

They did things differently this year. Since 2006, each season of Doctor Who has contained what's lovingly referred to as a Doctor-lite episode. If it wasn't for the now traditional Christmas episode, there'd be no need, as there'd be more than enough time to film all thirteen episodes—but since Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a festive Who, concessions had to be made, and the Doctor-lite episode is it.

Doctor Who: Forest of the Dead (2)

The Doctor: 'Stay with me! You can do it! Stay with me! Come on!! You and me, one last time!'

Well, perhaps we didn't get all the answers we were looking for, but there was more than enough good stuff in tonight's episode to compensate—particularly if the hanging threads are picked up in a future episode. Each season of Nu-Who (so far) has produced at least one stand-out story worthy of our praise. This was probably season four's.

Doctor Who: Silence in the Library (1)

Doctor: 'Spoilers!' What is it with Steven Moffat and stories which play on our childhood fears? In season two we had monsters under the bed ('The Girl in the Fireplace'), in season three we had statues coming to life ('Blink'), and now, and arguably most terrifying of all, apparently there are things hiding in the shadows after all. Which isn't great news for adults, let alone children.

Doctor Who: The Unicorn and the Wasp

Agatha: 'Agatha Christie.'
Donna: 'What about her?'
Agatha: 'That's me.'

Agatha Christie's disappearance in 1926 was one of those weird events that we'll likely never get to the bottom of. (Despite many books telling us that they've got to the bottom of it.) 'The Unicorn and the Wasp' was a fun attempt at explaining Agatha Christie's whereabouts during those eleven missing days, and what with details being as scarce as hen's teeth—and Agatha not bothering to elucidate in her autobiography—attributing her disappearance to a giant wasp seems as good a solution as any.

Doctor Who - The Doctor's Daughter

The Doctor: 'You need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up 'genocide'. You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read, 'Over my dead body''.

This could have been a great episode. I loved the idea of the seven day war and the concept of two opposing armies, continuously being recreated, for the sole purpose of fighting a never ending war. I also liked the idea of the progenation machine taking the Doctor's diploid cells, splitting them into haploids and then recombining them to form Jenny—the Doctor's daughter. But the episode just wasn't long enough to do all of the plot elements justice. They should have either made it a two-parter, or shaved off some of the unnecessary plot divergences. It may have felt less rushed that way.